Uncategorized

  • Uncategorized

    Surviving Parental Exhaustion: Self-Care and Gentle Strategies for Tired Parents Everywhere

     

    Welcome to the “No-Sleep Club”

    If you’re reading this, you’re probably running on fumes, microwaved coffee, and pure love (emphasis on the love… and the fumes). Maybe you feel like you’ve joined the exclusive “no-sleep club” against your will and you can’t find the exit. Spoiler: You are not alone.

    Parental exhaustion is real, relentless, and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

    So how do you make it through—especially when you want rest without losing your values (or your sanity)? Stick with me. We’re going to talk practical, guilt-free survival strategies for those of you running on hope and not much else.

    How to Spot Parental Burnout—And Why It’s Not Your Fault

    Let’s call it what it is: Parental burnout is next-level tired, plus overwhelm, plus “is it just me?” vibes.

    Look for:

    • You’re snappy, or teary
    • Your brain is fried (can’t remember the last time you felt actually awake)
    • Even rest feels like work

    Sound familiar? You are NOT doing parenting wrong. You’re living a reality that piles up fast, especially if you:

    • Are up all night with a little one
    • Face pressure to “fix” sleep (but you don’t want to sleep train)
    • Juggle work/kids/house… and forget when you last did something for yourself

    You’re not broken. This is what happens when the demands on a real-life parent outstrip the support and resources around them.

    image_1

    Step 1: Permission to Need Care, Too

    Let’s clear something up: Wanting a break doesn’t mean you love your child any less. Wanting rest isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.

    One of the bravest things you can do? Admit you’re exhausted and need support. (Trust me. This is where things start to turn.)

    Gentle Survival Strategies for Exhausted Parents

    Here’s the big secret: You don’t have to overhaul your whole life. Tiny shifts = big difference. Let’s break it down.

    The Micro-Breaks Magic

    You don’t necessarily need a spa weekend (it would be nice though right?!); sometimes you just need five actual minutes where nobody touches you.

    • Sip your drink while it’s still warm.
    • Hide in the loo while your partner watches the kids and scroll memes (zero shame).
    • Take three deep breaths (the good kind… in through your nose, out slow).
    • Let your child safely watch Bluey so you can do nothing for ten minutes.

    These aren’t luxuries. They’re survival hacks. Your nervous system will thank you.

    Drop the Superhero Cape (Ask for Help)

    You are not meant to do this alone. Really.

    • Trade time with a partner—one covers, one rests. Switch. Repeat.
    • Text a friend or family member: “I’ll take your toddler next Saturday if you can handle mine this Friday?”
    • Let the laundry pile up so you can nap (the world won’t end… promise).
    • Consider outside help if you can swing it—even an hour matters.

    It takes guts to ask for (or accept) help. But there’s no medal given for solo suffering.

    Simplify… Everything

    You do not have to cook homemade everything or have a colour-coded family calendar. You just have to get through the day.

    • Use paper plates if you feel like it.
    • Batch cook pasta, call it “chef’s special” three nights running.
    • Lower the bar on “extras”—say no to anything non-essential (even if it’s just this week).
    • Let your home look “lived-in.” Because… it is.

    Long Game: Building Real Self-Care (That You’ll Actually Do)

    Forget bubble baths unless you like them. Real self-care is what refuels you—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

    Prioritise Sleep (Yours, Too)

    • Trade-off night wakes with your partner.
    • Sneak naps (even 20 minutes is helpful).
    • Go to bed embarrassingly early, even if it means leaving dishes.

    Move Your Body… with Zero Pressure

    Exercise does not have to mean Lycra. Try:

    • Dancing around the living room, baby in arms
    • Walking with the pram and a podcast
    • Stretching while your child builds a block tower

    Movement helps shift stress, boost endorphins, and (bonus!) sometimes tires out busy little people, too.

    Feed Yourself, Not Just the Kids

    No, coffee and the last bite of toddler pancake don’t count as “lunch.”

    • Make actual meals when you can (but toast is a solid Plan B).
    • Keep snacks on hand that aren’t kid food (protein bars, cheese, nuts, whatever you actually like).
    • Water > more caffeine (yeah, I said it).

    Boundaries: Your Secret Weapon Against Burnout

    This part can feel awkward, but it’s powerful. Boundaries = saying no to things that drain you, yes to what you need. Try:

    • Saying, “Not today, thanks,” to non-essential outings.
    • Making a family “do not disturb” nap hour on weekends.
    • Turning off notifications after 8pm.
    • Asking your partner for solo time (no guilt required).

    Boundaries give you breathing room (and model good self-care for your kiddos, too).

    image_3

    Build Your Village—You Deserve Support

    We’re wired for connection, and parenting was never meant to be done in total isolation. Your “village” might look like:

    • Trusted family/friends you can call on, even just to vent
    • Local playgroups or community centres
    • Online parent groups that get it (no judgment, just solidarity)
    • Professional help where needed (counsellor, sleep coach, therapist)

    Mindset Shifts (and Busting the Guilt Monster)

    Exhaustion means you’re working hard in tough conditions, not that you’re lacking.

    • Your child needs you to be okay, not perfect.
    • You’re already showing up in ways your little one will remember (even on the rough days).

    When you hear that voice in your head piling on guilt for not “doing enough”?
    Reminder: Surviving is enough. 

    For the Record: It’s OK to Want More Sleep

    You’re not a bad parent if you wish for more sleep (no one functions when they’re up every hour). Sometimes gentle tweaks can make a world of difference, and sometimes it’s about holding steady until things shift.

    If you need practical help with sleep—especially if you’re not interested in sleep training—I’ve got you. My approach is all about sleep and attachment, with real, doable strategies:

    You don’t have to lose yourself to get your child sleeping better. Promise.

    Gentle Reminders for the Hardest Days

    • You deserve rest, care, and support too
    • There is no single “right” way to do this
    • It’s normal to find this hard (and normal to need help)
    • Little shifts add up—even five minutes of peace counts

    And finally, if no one’s told you this today:
    You’re doing a great job. Even on the days when it doesn’t feel like it. 

    image_5

  • Uncategorized

    “You’ll Create a Bad Habit”—Why That’s Not True About Contact Naps (And What Actually Matters)

     

    You finally get your baby to sleep after what feels like a marathon of rocking, bouncing, and feeding. They’re warm and relaxed against your chest, and for a moment, all is calm. But then the voice creeps in:

    “You’re creating a bad habit.”
    “You’ll never get anything done if you let them nap on you.”
    “They’ll never learn to sleep alone.”

    Contact naps (the very thing that feels so natural and peaceful) are often painted as a “bad habit.” You’re told that letting your baby nap on you means you’re creating sleep problems, that you’ll spoil them, or that they’ll never learn independence.

    But what if I told you that those messages are outdated, fear-based, and not supported by research?

    In this blog, I’m breaking down the three most common myths about contact naps, sharing what the science actually says, and offering gentle, supportive strategies for families who may want to move away from contact naps—when and if it feels right.

    Myth #1: “You’re Creating a Sleep Crutch That Will Be Impossible to Break”

    Let’s start with the big one. The idea that holding your baby for naps will create a lifelong dependency is one of the most damaging and persistent myths in modern parenting culture.

    The Truth: Contact naps support regulation—not dependence.

    Your baby isn’t using you as a sleep crutch. They’re using you the way nature intended.

    From a biological standpoint, babies are born incredibly immature compared to other mammals. Their nervous systems are still developing, and they rely on co-regulation, that is, regulating their emotions and physiology through the presence and touch of a caregiver.

    Touch helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) and lower cortisol (stress hormone) levels. In fact, skin-to-skin contact has been shown to regulate infant heart rate, body temperature, and even brain development.

    Napping on your body is not a flaw, it’s actually a design feature! It’s deeply calming and it is also neuroprotective, especially during the early months when your baby is learning how to feel safe in the world.

    💡 Reframe:

    You’re not creating a crutch! You’re providing safety and security. And this is what sets the stage for confidence and independence later on.

    Myth #2: “They’ll Never Learn to Sleep On Their Own If You Don’t Teach Them Now”

    This one often gets thrown around in parenting circles, sleep training forums, and unsolicited advice from strangers at the supermarket 🫠

    The Truth: Sleep is developmental, not a skill that needs to be taught through separation.

    Just like walking, talking, and toilet training, independent sleep develops over time. Some babies start sleeping independently in their first year, others take longer. That’s not failure, it’s individual variation.

    What babies can’t do from birth is regulate their own emotions or nervous system. This is why contact naps often result in longer, deeper sleep—they’re getting the regulation they need to rest fully.

    There’s no research that shows contact napping prevents later independent sleep. In fact, studies suggest that responsive caregiving leads to better stress regulation and healthier emotional development overall

    💡 Reframe:

    Independence isn’t something you have to force! It’s something that develops naturally from secure attachment.

     

    Myth #3: “More Contact = Worse Sleep Later”

    This one usually comes as a warning: “Enjoy it now, but you’ll pay for it later.” 🙄

    The Truth: More contact often = better sleep now and long-term emotional health.

    For our babies, especially for high-needs or sensitive babies, contact naps are also a bit of a break from the chaos and overwhelm of the world. And far from making sleep worse, contact helps regulate your baby’s nervous system in a way that allows for deeper, more restorative sleep.

    What can actually create disrupted sleep patterns is dysregulation, which is when your baby’s stress response is activated (think overtiredness, missed cues, or feeling unsafe).

    And guess what supports regulation best? Yep—contact. Gentle, consistent connection.

    Studies on infant development show that babies who receive consistent, responsive care are more likely to develop secure attachment styles, which are linked to lower cortisol levels, more resilience, and better emotional regulation as they grow.

    💡 Reframe:

    Connection now doesn’t create problems later! It actually lays the foundation for trust, confidence, and resilience.

    Sooo… What Actually Matters?

    Instead of worrying about whether you’re creating “bad habits,” the more helpful questions to ask are:

    • Is my baby getting enough restorative sleep overall?
    • Does contact napping feel manageable and sustainable for our family right now?
    • If something isn’t working, can we shift it gently while still supporting our connection?

    There’s no “right” way to do sleep. There’s only what works for you and your baby.

    If You’re Ready to Move Away from Contact Naps

    First things first: You don’t need to change anything unless contact naps no longer feel sustainable for you.

    But if you’re ready to explore other options, here’s a gentle, connection-first approach:

    Step 1: Start with just one nap a day

    Pick the nap with the best chance of success (hint: it’s often the first of the day as this is almost like an extension of night sleep). Try transferring your baby to their cot after they fall asleep on you, or begin the nap in that space while offering physical touch (patting, shushing, lying nearby) if they are comfortable with this.

    Step 2: Don’t stress about perfection.

    Babies learn through patterns. If it doesn’t “work” on day one, it doesn’t mean it’s a failure! It’s a process and repetition builds familiarity and safety.

    Step 3: Pull the pin if it’s not working

    If your baby is struggling with the shift, try babywearing or stroller naps while gradually introducing a new sleep space.

    Step 4: Keep helping them to regulate

    It’s not just about where your baby sleeps, it is also about how supported your baby feels while you are making changes. Co-regulating with your baby over many thousands of interactions is what helps them to develop their self regulation skills. It won’t happen overnight, and that is completely normal.

    Step 5: Tweak as needed

    I often say to my clients, working on infant sleep is both an art and a science! Stay curious about your child – watch their tired cues, consider whether they have enough sleep pressure, and tweak and adjust as needed.

    Let’s Stop Calling Connection a Problem

    Contact naps are not a parenting fail. They’re not a habit you need to “break.” They’re a biologically normal, deeply nurturing part of early life for many families.

    You haven’t “spoiled” your baby by letting them nap on you. You’ve regulated their nervous system. You’re helping them build a resilient and securely attached brain. You’re making them feel safe.

    And if/when you want to change how naps happen? You can. You don’t need to use sleep training. You don’t need to withdraw connection to gain a little space. You can guide your baby through change with responsiveness, respect, and trust.

    So let’s stop calling connection a bad habit—and start calling it what it truly is: The foundation of great sleep.

    And if you need help moving away from contact naps? Check out my DIY Gentle Sleep Guides and let me help you!